From Myspace.

Posted on my myspace blog October 17, 2007:

Hahahaha. This is awesome. There's this website where you go and put in a name or something, and then it makes a fake complaint letter, and its pretty funny. You get a different on everytime.

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/


Here's mine:


What I have to say will probably provoke a response from Miss Caity M. Douglas. She may label me "vexatious" or even "vulgar". I realize and accept that as a consequence of what I am about to say. However, I hope that Caity will read everything I have to say before labeling me. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Caity.

Caity once heard a bookish crackpot say, "We can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune." What's amazing is that Caity was then able to use that quotation plus some anecdotal evidence to convince her compeers that no one is smart enough to see through her transparent lies, which makes me wonder, "What exactly is the principle that rationalizes her intolerant, homophobic histrionics?" We should be able to look into our own souls for the answer. If we do, I suspect we'll find that several things she has said have brought me to the boiling point. The statement of hers that made the strongest impression on me, however, was something to the effect of how we're supposed to shut up and smile when she says spleeny, horny things. What is the most appropriate way to address the continued social injustice shown by the worst classes of nettlesome hostes generis humani there are? Education -- the real thing, not the humorless facsimile that Caity promotes in order to initiate a reign of nit-picky terror. Many of our problems would be solved if only more people were educated to learn that Caity's conduct can be described as less than ladylike. Sad, but true. And it'll only get worse if Caity finds a way to make mountains out of molehills.

Let me quote to you from the words of my attorney: "Caity's sympathizers are too indolent to bring meaning, direction, and purpose into our lives." Let me go on record as saying that Caity doesn't want to acknowledge that there are people better equipped to cope with life than misguided, infantile so-called experts. In fact, Caity would rather block all discussion on the subject. I suppose that's because it is my intent to call for proper disciplinary action against her and her goombahs. That's self-evident, and even Caity would probably agree with me on that. Even so, we were put on this planet to be active, to struggle, and to provide a positive, confident, and assertive vision of humanity's future and our role in it. We were not put here to shatter and ultimately destroy our most precious possessions, as Caity might believe. If Caity's perversions aren't crazy, I don't know what is. If you're interested in the finagling, double-dealing, chicanery, cheating, cajolery, cunning, rascality, and abject villainy by which Caity may mobilize support for the special interests that dominate state and private activity in the near future, then you'll want to consider the following very carefully. You'll especially want to consider that when I observe Caity's backers' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like her, they all want to spoon-feed us her pabulum. Also, while a monkey might think that Caity's conjectures are our final line of defense against tyrrany, the fact remains that if we let her crush people to the earth and then claim the right to trample on them forever because they are prostrate, then greed, corruption, and colonialism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions. And that's it. Miss Caity M. Douglas should feel ashamed of herself.